When we moved to New York and I was in grad school, I really felt a lot of stress. I needed to do well in school. I couldn’t think about anything else. If ever I found time to relax, it was ruined by the feeling that I was forgetting some assignment or phone call or paper. I see now that I am far away from that time that I probably missed out on a lot. School had a way of dominating my life that made it nearly impossible to feel capable of doing anything else.
It was like that before grad school, too. I think I shed more tears over test scores and term papers than I did over boys. Even in elementary school. I had a total breakdown in fifth grade because I misspelled “government” on a spelling test. I was upset because I studied on the bus on the way over. I should have known it. I should have known it.
But it’s over now. I don’t plan to get any more degrees in my life. I may take classes here and there, but nothing too intense. It’s been so nice to free myself from that anxiety over the past few years. I feel so much more free and happy without the prospect of pop quizzes or criticism of my latest paper.
Glad I did it. But so grateful that I’m done. I didn’t realize until I was free from it what a burden it was.