I remember about a year ago, walking down 45th St. in Manhattan on my way to meet Micah when he got off work. I was thinking about what a wonderful accomplishment it would be to finish my degree and to be a relatively normal family again, rather than a crazy-frazzled-busy, trading-childcare-duties-on-the-train-platform kind of family. And now it has happened. I’m done. My classes are finished. I turned in my last assignment a few hours ago. There is nothing more to do. We didn’t even have to hand off Simon at Atlantic Avenue station last night, as has been our habit for the past several months.
School was hard and it was stressful but it went by quickly and, I believe, it was worth it. I learned so much, I gained so much confidence, and, most importantly, I realized more than ever that writing is what I want to do and what I can do. I know how I can be successful at it if I really want to be. And I do want to be. But it is not the only thing I want to be successful at. Even though I’m done with school, I’m still a mom and that part of my life will always be there. It will always be something that will help me balance out my other talents and goals — whatever they may be. I say that because one of the things I realized in school was that, outside of being a wife and mother, I don’t really have any goals after school. Journalism doesn’t have a set career path — you make your own way. But that it is hard to do if you don’t know where you are going, and I don’t know where I am going — what my goals are. I have vague ideas that, in some ways, are coming into focus a little bit. But the immediate future is still kind of fuzzy as far as my writing goes, which is why this liberating feeling of being done is also a little bit frightening.
What I do know is that I want to teach Simon to read and write. I want to play with him without worrying about the writing I’m not doing. I want go to the park and make cookies and be the stereotypical housewife/mother.
As I’m writing this we’re missing out on playing in the first snowfall of the season here, which I’ve been waiting weeks for. So right now we’re going outside to catch snowflakes before it is too late.