Greener Grass

Greener Grass

Last semester when I would stress myself out about school (as is my custom), I would think about the wonderful time when I graduate and we can have another baby. Now that Simon is growing up and is less containable and more opinionated and especially clingy, I fantasize about that wonderful time when I graduate and we have the time and means to leave him with a sitter while we go out on a date.

Actually, I think more about moving out of this apartment. I think about taking Simon to the park and swinging him in the swings for the first time. I think about having the time to bake a cake or try a new recipe without feeling like I should be doing something else. I think about anything to keep me looking ahead and not worrying about story ideas or reporting or what is due tomorrow.

I thought about how wonderful life will be when I finish with school all day yesterday, and then I thought that maybe it was a bad thing for me to always be itching for the next thing, to not be satisfied with where I am right now. Shouldn’t I be enjoying the moment here? Shouldn’t I be loving this time when Simon loves me so much he cries whenever I leave the room? Shouldn’t it just tickle me pink that Simon is so interested in everything little thing I am doing to the point where he almost prevents me from doing it?

And then I had one of those moments. Those “tender mercies” or whatever you call them. I caught a glimpse of the future. Just a glimpse. And I saw Micah and Simon and me sitting around the kitchen table. Maybe we were eating cookies or playing a game. We were reminiscing about the good old days when I was in school and Micah was freelancing and Simon was learning so many things all at once and all three of us were frazzled and tired and not exactly sure what we should be doing with ourselves. Simon was laughing that he used to get so upset when I would sit him on the floor for a second, or put him in the carrier, or keep him from pounding on the computer keyboard. And Micah and I were enjoying the fact that he had come so far and that we were better able to deal with the stresses of life because of that time.

There are always going to be challenges and things I’d like to change. I’m sure I’ll often wish that I could speed up time to get to the next part of life. But for now I’m going to just keep telling myself, “This won’t last forever.” I hope that will give me the perspective to both cherish the moment and look forward to the future.

6 thoughts on “Greener Grass

  1. yup, lizzie – i totally agree. i always think about how nice it would be to have our own house, and for ahonui to stop trying to pull things out of the trash, or stick random things like ants into his mouth. but then i realize…how much longer will him yanking on pants for attention last? so i’m trying to no longer take for granted the little opihi (barnacle) on my leg – and give him lots of hugs & kisses instead.

  2. I agree as well. It is so hard to love what you have in the moment you have it, but we’re trying to just love life the way it is right now. It is fun to think of the future though.

  3. boy did i ever need to read this today. we are living the same life… except my distraction is work work work (yours is way cooler- a graduate degree- SO LUCKY!)… it is great to be reminded of this.

  4. There’s a new country song by Trace Adkins called “You’re gonna miss this”. I think you should hear it. Life moves so fast, It seems like yesterday that I held my daughter in my arms for the first time & yet she’s almost 4 1/2. It doesn’t feel like I have been married for 13 years, but I have. Enjoy the times you have now. Enjoy watching Simon grow & learn. He’ll only learn to walk once & once that moment is gone, it’s gone.

  5. Good for you, Lizzie for seeing that bit of wisdom now, rather than when he’s three and this is all behind you and you realize you’ve “missed” it.

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